Summertime. It comes and goes but last summer was one to remember In that magical time at the lake we thought summer would last forever... And in some ways it has. After lizzy's funeral we learnt that Time doesn't stop for anything not even love and summer was only temporary but those moments we shared were eternal. The pain of losing a sister was a grief even love couldn't overcome. The pain was overwhelming for both of us and after a well overdued talk brad and I realised now wasn't the right time for us. There had to be distance, a much needed space between us to give us both time to heal, time to mourn, time to overcome and move on and then finally time to be together. But it had been a year since he moved to Louisiana and he still wasn't showing any sign that he was ready, but to be completely fair neither was I. So we wouldn't lose touch we thought it best to keep on communicating with each other. He'd call regularly, video chat when he was free and text when he was busy with work or something but he always made sure he heard my voice at least once every day. With the distance we became well... distant and just like that I slowly watched him walse out of my life, unable to stop him from dancing, unable to stop the music. A month later he stopped videochatting his excuse was faulty connection, few week's after that he stopped calling there had been no excuse - not that I had asked for one, another month went by and he stopped texting and now the last email he sent to me had been six months ago and it was nothing but a vague memory. I can't even remember what had been on it. Just like that we were completely shut off from each other's lives. We no longer communicated and it didnt seem to bother him so I did what I did best I presented it didnt bother me. I'm not the brave type, Lizzy was neither am I the type that voices out my feelings also something Lizzy normally did. I'm the shy perky who's so used to fear and pain it doesn't even feel like fear and pain anymore. It felt normal like it was a part of me that needed to exist for me to function. Any contrary emotion like love or happiness was what scared me. I had been like that since mom and dad started fighting when I was a kid. When I turned 13 dad started having an affair and was seeing some Brazilian woman and mom drowned herself completely in work so much that soon it was hard to remember that she was there, that I existed and mattered to her, that she still cared. 3 years later they got divorced, a week before I started senior high. I felt my world fall apart. And it probably would have if my sister Lizzy hadn't been there. She was always so brave, always telling me everything was going to be OK, she was so good at concealing pain I thought she was some kind of goddess. Lizzy was always there, constantly giving me a shoulder to cry on, repeatedly holding my hand at night till I fell asleep, punching jerks at school for calling me a creep because I cried all the time. What would I have done without her. A year later I stopped crying, I stopped believing my tears could fix things, i stopped the ideology that if i cried enough and truly believed, dad would walk back through the door and apologise for everything and we'd be a family again. It hadnt happen and after a year Long of rigorous therapy sessions I understood it never would. Not to long after that dad remarried and invited all of us to the wedding. Mum had to go so she wouldn't look like a sore loser, I wondered how she ended up looking cause two minutes into the vows she ran home crying. I hadn't attended. I couldn't bare to see the sight of him happy while we were all miserable. Lizzy acted like it meant nothing to her but I knew deep than she cared. Long story short dad started taking alcohol and drugs. He died if cancer about the time Liz and I graduated from college. We hadn't gone to the funeral for good reasons, we couldn't allow that asshole's death ruin the beginning of our future. Lizzy had made honours as a photographer. She always said she liked to travel and see sites. Since she was obsessed with taken pictures with her phone why not make a career out of it. I graduated a journalist. I loved documenting things. While time eases pain writing was the only time I felt the pain was truly gone. It was at a job interview I met brad and it had truly been the start of something beautiful. He never really got the idea of the pain but I felt he understood me and that was all I needed. For someone to understand. Not really get it but understood. Later I introduced him to lizzy. The two had become best of friends and sometimes I felt like she loved him more than I did. Anyway Liz was doing well as a photographer and was constantly dating and dumping. I never really saw her as a one guy girl but I loved her and it was always more than enough. A few years passed by and mom started getting depressed. The doctors diagnosed her with some mental illness. Anyway things got worse and after a year of splitting the hospital bills with Lizzy she finally had a panick attack and died in her sleep. The doctors said she passed away peacefully and suffered no pain. I couldn't help but feel responsible in some way maybe if we hadn't grown so distant she would have still been there. But as usual Lizzy was there and then I had brad and one more year of therapy and I was in tip top shape. Summer was fast approaching and with all the funerals Lizzy thought it would be a good idea if the three of us spent summer together in our old house in Miami. In two weeks time brad and I were already there and began enjoying our summer. Lizzy couldn't come, she said she had some last minute assignments in Africa taking pictures in Africa and promised to come as soon as it was over. Brad and I had no problem with that. I showed him all around the place. We'd spend mornings in the market place and afternoons maybe in the museum or zoo but evenings we always spent sitting by the beach staring at the crystal blue waters of Miami. Easy enough there was a lake just by my parents old house. That beautiful lake had been one of my fondest memories growing up. It took me back to a time when i was at peace, before the issue with my parents, before the pain and fear and uncertainty to a place and time when I was truly honestly happy. I remember in winter, wind blew the waters turning them into waves and I thought they'd rise up and crash down at us, destroying the house but in the summer it was beautiful, the some shone on the lake making it shimmer and gleam with beauty. I really thought that summer would last forever. Again Lizzy wasn't there, apparently her last three flights had either been delayed, postponed or canceled. I assumed she had met a guy there and didnt feel as anxious to come anymore but brad just thought she was no longer into it. Soon enough word had gotten to us that she had passed away in a hospital. All those last minute assignments and canceled flights was her suffering from some rare incurable illness. Finally she was gone. She had died too. My parents were dead and now her. Dad's death I had actually prayed for, mum's death I had for seen and prepared for but her's I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams. The one person who had always been there was gone. And so was my summer whisked away by more grief. Brad tried to be comforting but there was only so much he could do after all losing Lizzy took a bug toll on him too. He just couldn't be strong enough for both of us and we both decided it was best if we each had space. And that about takes us to where we are now. My parents were gone, Lizzy was gone and finally brad was too. For the first time in my life I was completely truly alone. Last I heard brad was a housing and developing agent in Louisiana and I went back to colorado. I had switched from complete journalism to just documenting and writing. It meant last travel and with all that had been going on, travelling was the last thing I needed. I was actually doing well, I wrote articles both for and about the high and mighty and the pau wasn't so bad either. Admittedly I had met a few people. But they exited my life as easy as they entered it and that's about it. Now when I'm not at work or asleep I'm mostly on my laptop writing or jotting, anything to keep my self busy. But that afternoon something miraculous happened. An email from brad.
In 1688, Swiss physician Johannes Hofer coined the term nostalgia to describe the clinical symptoms of homesickness. Hofer linked the Greek words nostos, for homecoming, and algia, for pain. Nostalgia could even be life-threatening, he noted. In The Nostalgia Factory, psychologist Douwe Draaisma touches on this phenomenon in his exploration of memory and ageing, which draws on scientific work and anecdotal case studies.
Memory Lane Of Pain
The low-lying, four-door coupe has a long wheelbase, silver paint and teal accents, bearing an intentional resemblance to the Formula 1 cars driven by the Mercedes-AMG Petronas F1 Team. Most strikingly, the side windows and rear glass of the Vision AMG are painted the same silver as the body of the car. Due to the hexagonal pattern of the design, drivers will still be able to see the road.
As I recall the fear and anxiety surrounding the onset of AIDS decades ago, I wonder what would I remember the most about the current pandemic plaguing the globe. How will I remember this pandemic 20 years down the memory lane?
Each person will remember this pandemic differently. They may or may not remember the stimulus checks or the unemployment benefits, but they will most certainly remember the stress, the fear, and the uncertainty pertaining to the future. Nurses most definitely will continue to remember and honor the memory of their co-workers whose lives were lost during this crisis. We will recall with pride that they never gave up but chose to serve until death took them apart. I know I will most certainly remember the anxiety and the over-work, the burnout, and the mental fatigue as I wake up in the middle of the night, with nightmares of dying patients and overflowing morgues, having given in to PTSD and lack of mental support. 2ff7e9595c
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